My husband works primarily on the phone and on the computer from our home office. This means he can "go" to work in shorts and t-shirts and occasionally unshaven. This lead to his recent decision to grow a goatee. Yikes! I have never been a big fan of facial hair, especially on my husband (there have been a few other forays into beard growing but all were mercifully short lived). I, of course, delicately shared my opinion of his decision to grow his goatee. I think it went something like this, "are you crazy, you know I don't like facial hair, and if you insist on growing it, I will not be kissing you ever!" Somehow, he was not deterred. My case was not helped at all by the fact that our son and daughter (initially, until I talked some sense into her) were cheering him on and telling him how cool he looked. Ughh. As the days wore on I tried many different tactics to get him to shave.
Me: "Honey, you know your goatee makes you look MUCH older."
My Husband: "Really, I think it makes me look younger."
My Son: "I think it makes him look younger."
My Daughter: "Yeah, kinda younger."
Me: "Honey, you know your goatee makes you look MUCH heavier."
My Husband: "No, it makes me look thinner."
My Son: "Yeah, I think it makes him look thinner too, and way cooler."
My Daughter: "I don't really like it anymore."
Yahoo, at least now I've got someone else on my side.
Me: "Don't forget, no kissing till it's gone.
Our Neighbor: "Kissing is overrated."
Me: "So has anyone else said anything to you about your goatee, like they think it looks good or anything?"
My Husband: "No, not really."
Me: "You know that probably means they don't like it, so they just don't say anything."
My Husband: "Yeah you're probably right."
Aha! Maybe a little swing in my favor.
Then something terrible happened. People started telling him that they liked it and it looked good on him! I'm talking more than one person here. So now I am thinking I'm doomed and "the facial hair that must not be named" will be here forever.
Then something miraculous happened. The "you know what" started to itch. Yippee! I could see the light, because if there is one thing my husband cannot stand, it's to be uncomfortable. (seriously, he won't go back to restaurants that he thinks have uncomfortable chairs -- yes, he remembers-- even if the food is great). My elation was a little premature, however, because Sunday night (after I was already asleep) he did something that only a guy would do. He shaved off the part that was itching and left the rest. So, yesterday I wake up to a very scary rendition of Fu Man Chu.
Me: "You cannot be serious!"
My Husband: "Why what's wrong with it?"
Me: (delicately, of course) "Well, if you have to ask, clearly there is no hope for you."
My Daughter: "ewww, Daddy shave it off."
My Son: "Awesome, you look like a Mexican gangster!" (sorry if that sounds politically incorrect, but it's what he said.) And lo and behold, those were the magic words.
My Husband: "Oh damn, I can't be lookin like a gangster now can I? What the hell, I'm going to shave it."
Somehow, my son who, as the only one in the family who actually wanted him to keep the dumb thing, actually got him to shave it off! So to him I say, "Bless you my son."
After he was all shaved and smooth again he came out of the bathroom, kissed me for the first time in a week and a half, and said "you were right, I really do look better with no facial hair."