My 20 year high school reunion is on Saturday. Which means several things. It means I am hurtling at breakneck speed toward middle age. You'll notice I said hurtling toward and not yet there, this is because I plan to live to be at least 100 years old. So as you can infer; I am clearly not yet middle age. I will also be one of the younger attendees as I have a late birthday and have always been younger than everyone else. Great now, not so great when you are waiting to get a driver's license. It also means that now is the time to go into serious maintenance mode (i.e. hair, nails, exercise, etc.). Because although reunions are about catching up with old friends, let's face it, we also don't want to look like we have been ridden hard and put up wet since last we met. To that end, I decided that I would do a couple of sessions at a tanning salon.
I was not aware this is now an event that requires a masters degree in tanology. Gone are the days of the one size fits all tanning bed.
I walked in and said, "I would like to do a couple of tanning sessions for special occasion I have coming up." At this point the teenage girl behind the counter (who is I am sorry to say slightly tanorexic) launches into an explanation of all their "really great" packages and all the reasons that they are a "way better" deal than just paying the walk in price. Yeah, except I said I only wanted to do a couple of tans, soooo I am thinking walk in will be just fine. I explain as much to her, and although slightly disappointed she acquiesces. She then asks what type of bed I would like to use. Lay down with the least amount of bulbs possible, stand up -- ditto on the amount of bulbs, fake spray tan, lay down with more bulbs, or possibly the stand up Saturn, which looks like something NASA has just captured but has decided to hide here at Time 2 Tan instead of in Roswell, and I am assured their most "awesome" bed of all, or perhaps the almost equally fabulous lay down Mercury bed. I am totally flummoxed, but decide to go for the Mercury. What the heck I am only doing this a couple of times and I figure go for the best. Plus it's buy one get one free, so I feel great about going for the most expensive one on the menu. Yes, I am sure I have been pegged as a sucker and sold something I don't really need, but what the heck you only have one 20 year reunion.
I feel relieved that I have finally made my decision and am now ready to tan. Not so fast buckaroo, there are still a few more things to do before I actually get to the bed. For example they now scan your fingerprint as identification so that no one could possibly come in and try to tan using your name and package -- I am totally serious. So now I am approximately 20 minutes into an errand I thought would take me 20 minutes total and I haven't even seen a single bulb illuminated. We make it to the end of the orientation and I pay. Yahoo, I get to tan...almost. Teenage desk girl looks and me and says, "do you have your eye-wear and tan accelerator with you?" "Uh, no." Has she really not caught on yet that it has been a REALLY long time since I have done this? Anyway, I opt for the protective eye-wear, but decline the tan accelerator. Teenage desk girl, "are you sure you don't want the accelerator? We highly recommend it for your best tan experience and we have this one on sale." It is something called "Drama Queen" (a totally appropriate name for me by the way) and it turns out to be on sale for "only $35.00". (What part of I am only doing this twice was she having trouble with exactly.) I declined the "Drama Queen."
Who Knew that tanning had become such an art form.
Ah well, I can only hope it will be worth it to golden for my reunion. More to come on the reunion in future posts by the way.